Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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