She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize