I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
