I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I bet he comes in French.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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