I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize