a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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