why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
