i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
