Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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