remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
