I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
