Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
