nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
