I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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