if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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