There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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