had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
