I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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