i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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