Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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