Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
