Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
