p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
