i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you never un-have a 4some
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