he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize