i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
