I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
