he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
