is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
