mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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