I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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