i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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