if you like me you must not know who I am
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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