Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Holy shit dude........stairs
that is very illegal...i love you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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