just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
