I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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