You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
