i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Randomize
