I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
