do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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