All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
