My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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