Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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