I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
