So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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