I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
