I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
