Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize