I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
