My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
