ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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