i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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