so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
