u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
