It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
