Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
