Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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