My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
