I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
