Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
