This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
