OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
