fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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