You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.