I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
if i died would you start the facebook group?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
