What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
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I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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DR UNK TOWN USA
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I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.