Just fell off a train. Bad.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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