just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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