Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
