Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
