I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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