Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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