it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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